If only...

I drop my 11 yr old son off at the birthday party
In Manning Park,
in California where fall is green
I walk back through
I had been here with you, eight years ago…
Lush grass growing, green pine trees dappled with light and children’s laughter
I see a couple wandering through lush undergrowth
I wonder if it is beautiful for her
beautiful as when I wandered through it with you…
It seemed so, they way they held hands
the way they leaned and pulled into and away from each other
I walked back through the park
I wandered through trees you had once planted
I tried to remember
You pointing and which trees you pointed at
Tried to remember to see how tall they had grown
I couldn’t remember
I could only see your finger pointing, all blurry like
not which tree you pointed to…
I remembered
I remember
bringing you lunch
how happy I was to bring you lunch
because I couldn’t wait for you to get home
how all the worker men smiled at me
how you wrapped your arms around me
I remember how happy you were here
I wondered if you had gotten a job here
If things would have turned out different
Better
Better than separated?